Cancer sleep in our Guest Room

I naively thought that once my husband got the “all clear” from his oncologist that we would be wiping our hands clean of the whole ugly mess. Silly girl. No, now I believe that cancer just might be sleeping in our guest room. Don’t get me wrong, the door is firmly closed and we tiptoe past there lest we waken the sleeping giant.

But really, when your husband is on an every three month scan schedule, it’s really hard to escape the stupid creature. His scan is tomorrow and we have been anticipating it for a while now. He has some worrisome symptoms that may or may not be suggestive of cancer’s return, aging, hypochrondria, something else or nothing entirely. It’s all part of that whole Aftershocks thing that I have written about.

Every now and then, I catch a glimpse of a shadow coming down the hall and if I turn fast enough and cast my “mad mommy eye” towards it, it retreats like the petulant boogeyman that it is. And just like defending against the figment of a child’s nightmare, I have to search under the bed, leave a small nightlight on and hope that what I fear most is simply not true.

But we are at the mercy of a machine that will read the tea leaves of our collective fate and on the schedule of the messenger who will deliver the news. In the meantime, I will hope that the tears stay behind my eyes and that the next week goes quickly so that we can exhale and do whatever comes next.

Secret Cancer Handshake

I have a customer that I see fairly often for my day job. He’s one of those guys that is incredibly smart and kind-hearted but also loud and a little bit grumpy around the edges. Just enough to be endearing, at least to me. He was diagnosed and began his treatments late last year. His profession is such that his condition wasn’t made public but not exactly hidden either.

One day during treatment I saw him and asked “How are you?” his head raised from his reading and the look that started was one meant to put me in my place. I quickly raised my hand in peace and said, “Just so you know, my husband is a cancer survivor and so when I ask “How are you?’ I really am asking.”

In that next moment, more passed across his face than I could have ever expected. Suddenly there was understanding of a whole different level. Our relationship has been completely different since that day, for the better. I had revealed a raw truth to him that seemed to make a difference that day.

It’s kind of like an inside joke with an old friend or the secret Cancer Handshake for an exclusive club. I really don’t recommend this method, however. It’s really just not as funny as that joke among friends and really, there must be an easier way to make friends.

Aftershocks

It seems as though I’m not the only one experiencing this as a spouse.

The earthquake has passed, the treatment is over, you’re using the words remission and survivor. Yet, there’s always something that makes you look over your shoulder. A pain, a twinge, a decision…something that makes the ground under your feet shift just a bit. You have to stop right where you are until it passes. Then you move on, until the next time that the earth trembles.

No one tells you about this…they circle the wagons, hand out the poison and make the love of your life well again. Then they let you figure out the living part on your own, And the people around you move on too, as they should. They are far enough from the point of impact that the ground shake doesn’t quite reach them. Unless, of course, they’ve had an earthquake of their own.

And it makes me wonder…what does an aftershock feel like to a child? What will make my son’s ground tremble in the future?