Living Sunny Side Up

It is now October.

October, of course, is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. And that means that every store shelf and sale circular’s color scheme seems to be taken straight from the little girl aisle at the toy store. Seemingly, every food product, household cleaning product and piece of athletic apparel is either enclosed within pink cardboard or embroidered with a tiny pink ribbon and with the promise of making a donation to a worthy foundation. The disease behind all of these ribbons is the second most common type of cancer in women. It changes the lives of women and the people who love them, as some of you know all too well. That’s why we care about those pink ribbons. It’s also why all of this pinkness inspires me to encourage you to shop responsibly. 

Cancer took my mother from me and threatened to take my husband. I know too many who are actively fighting or walking wounded. As a result, I applaud and agree with your spirit of giving. The thoughts that I have about charitable giving apply all year long but there is something about the power of the high profile pink ribbon that causes some of us to lose sight of the big picture. Since our desire to contribute to any important cause comes from the right place, I think it is only fair to ensure that our money also goes to the right place.

Therefore, please consider:

Is the company offering that widget truly committed and generous with their support of the foundation? How much of your purchase price will actually be donated? You might be surprised how small the percentage will be in some cases.

Does the company cap their donations? If the donation is made only for the first million thing-a-ma-jigs sold and you’re about to buy the million and first, then you are no longer a giver; you are just a consumer. And if you still want to buy the thing-a-ma-jig, then please do. Just do it knowingly. 

Is the company responsible and consistent with your belief system in its other corporate practices? Would the proposed donation mean the same thing to you if a hypothetical company made contributions to a children’s charity but also used child labor?

Remember that if you admire a charitable organization and believe in their cause, you can contribute to it without purchasing anything. Simply get out your checkbook and fill in the amount. The beauty of this method is that they will get 100% of the amount and it is capped only by you. It never hurts to do a quick check of any organization through a website like Charity Navigator or Guidestar. They offer information on how to evaluate an organization and ensure that your money will be used responsibly. Among other things, you will want  to see how much of the donation will go towards administrative or fundraising costs versus the actual work you’d like to support. The sites can also help you identify the best choices among the many organizations that work within a category of your choosing. 

Having made all of these suggestions, I believe that if all things are equal and you need a box of do-dads, then buying the box that has a worthy cause attached is a lovely thing. In these times when more might be in need and when giving might be a bit harder, doesn’t it make sense to be more conscious when you spend with your conscience?

There are many worthwhile organizations that truly make a difference in our lives and in the world. Their fundraising and awareness activities are important. Just make sure that the purchase of that watchamacallit will create the good that you expect and make your giving matter.

“Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dennis Pyritz, of www.beingcancer.net, raised an interesting topic this week. He was talking about the community of cancer bloggers and just asking questions about what motivates people to blog about their experiences, why they continue even after treatment has ended and what it means to be part of the larger picture. It’s good timing because I have been thinking about some of those very issues but more related to the decisions that people make after they have gone through a difficult situation such as cancer. 

We all know that cancer has a way of sorting out our relationships for us. We quickly see which friend is willing to rise to the challenge, which relative stranger comes out of nowhere to go above and beyond for us and which friends and family members simply fade away. I have known people to be astonished and dismayed to discover that the very friend that they expected to understand the best failed them. How could it be that the friend whose own life had been touched by cancer would be the one to turn away? I have really been considering this over the last few weeks. What is it that makes some of us extend a hand to help another in a similar situation? And conversely, why do the others not feel compelled to assist, to give back, join the fight or pave the way? 

Personally, I am here to try to provide the resources that I looked for and could not find for our son. I am here to express the thoughts that I did not feel previously able to put into words. When my husband was in treatment, I did not have the strength, time or wits about me to put a website together to help others. I guess that is not very admirable in the face of people who devote their days to the cause even as they actively fight their disease. But it’s true and although I showed up a bit late for the party, I am here now.

And I do want to validate other spouses in their own inability to focus on anything aside from what is happening in their very own homes for a time. I do want to respect that just as we all grieve in different ways, we also do cope in different ways, rage in different ways and heal in different ways. But don’t all of those emotions come from the same place within us?

I think that is the reason that I do not understand why others do not feel the desire or responsibility of making the path a bit smoother for someone who is coming behind. Especially if someone else walked before us cutting a wide swath in the thicket to make our own trudging a bit easier. Or maybe walked along with us just so we wouldn’t feel alone. 

And so, Dennis, I think that’s part of why I blog in the wee hours of the morning. Because if I didn’t emerge from my husband’s diagnosis a little bit wiser or more resourceful or kinder or more grateful then I think I failed him in some way. And I don’t want this family to go back and try it again, that’s for sure.